Malik Al-Sayf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notambidextrous) wrote2012-07-07 03:11 pm
notambidextrous) wrote2012-07-07 03:11 pm
The Guardian's Song
There is crying coming from somewhere in the castle. It is close by, but Malik can only vaguely hear it through the haze the lingering sleep leaves in his mind, but the groans from the other boys his age and the sound of his name being called over and over again and the nagging feeling in his gut prompt him to go over to where the crying is coming from. His first few steps are careful; he’s still too sleepy to manage walking without stumbling. By the time he’s half way there, however, his caution has turned to urgency and he rushes over to the other side of the room where the younger boys are; where Kadar is. The crying is not so distant now and he no longer needs groans or the calling of his name or vague feelings in the pit of his stomach to know why it is urgent that he gets to his destination as quickly as possible.
Although Kadar is crying and thrashing around, he is still asleep and Malik frowns when he realizes this. He glances around at the surrounding novices and is relieved when none of them seem to have been injured by a wild fist (Kadar has earned the scorn of a few of their Brothers this way already). Malik sighs when he turns back to his brother, leaning over him and attempting to grab at flailing arms and after a good thirty seconds of struggling he manages to get a grip tight enough that no one should be in any danger of acquiring some sort of injury for the moment. Now comes the hard part. Now comes the part where he actually has to wake Kadar from this nightmare of his.
Since Kadar was an infant, this has always been easier said than done. Kadar has the uncanny ability to sleep as though he is dead and although he may not seem that way while he is thrashing and flailing about, it does not mean he is any easier to rouse on nights like these. Malik shakes him hard – not hard enough to cause any sort of injury, of course, but hard enough that any normal person would wake in an instant. This is not so for his brother. His brother is still whimpering, eyes still closed, and still mumbling Malik’s name in his sleep as though Malik himself were not mere inches away from him, touching him, holding him close. Malik shifts so that Kadar is lying in his lap while he gives a few more shakes and calls his brother’s name until Kadar finally wakes up.
It takes a moment for Kadar to realize what is going on. His eyes are unfocused, confusion evident in them, and he is still frightened; still in the world of his nightmare. It isn’t until those blue eyes land on Malik that he seems to realize where he is and when he does he flings himself at his older brother. He is crying and shaking and saying something that cannot be understood when his voice is distorted from the sobs and muffled from the cloth of Malik’s shirt as a result of burying his face in Malik’s chest. At eight years old, Kadar is still so very young, but he seems even younger when he’s like this.
The low hum of barely concealed snickers and murmurings of how pathetic Kadar is from the other boys is enough to make Malik want to get up and punch them all in the face for disrespecting his brother so, but when Kadar’s grip on him tightens (sometimes Malik swears Kadar really does have the power to read his mind) the idea leaves his head. He can’t abandon his brother now over people so unworthy of his time. He presses a kiss to the top of his brother’s head and when he pulls away it’s only so that his hand can take the place of his lips and stroke his brother’s hair. Kadar’s breath is still shaky and there are still tears going down his face, but he is slightly more at ease now than he was when he first woke up.
Malik smiles down at him and Kadar has never felt so safe. With his brother’s arms around him and that reassuring smile, it feels as though nothing can touch him. He blocks out the other boys. He knows what they say on nights like this. Malik may try to keep him from hearing it, but he cannot hide everything from Kadar. When the older Assassins remark on how talented Malik is for someone so young (not like Altair, though; no one is like Altair), they always make sure to mention how unbelievable it is that his younger brother is so average; so weak. Kadar doesn’t mind much, though. The elders believe he should be ashamed of how he pales in comparison to his brother, but at eight years old, Kadar is content to just be proud of Malik and his accomplishments. At eight years old, Kadar is content to say that Malik Al-Sayf is his older brother and no one else’s. In a few years he will concern himself with catching up and competing to get to the level his brother is at, but at eight years old, Kadar doesn’t feel the need.
A soft hum brings him out of his thoughts. This is not the same kind of hum that is caused by low murmurs or snickers. This is the musical type of humming. This is the type of hum that Kadar loves to hear. Malik rests his chin on Kadar’s head, still stroking his hair and doing what he can to comfort his little brother. Eventually the hum turns into actual words and Malik is singing the song that their mother used to sing to him when he needed comforting. Kadar no longer remembers the sound of her voice or the look of her face. He was much too young when their parents were killed to remember them. All he remembers is that his mother did sing this and that he enjoyed it when she did. That’s okay, though. Malik’s singing is a greater comfort than he remembers their mother’s ever being. Malik’s singing gets the attention of everyone in the room and quiets the insults to the younger Al-Sayf boy. Somehow – even the boys who thought themselves above such things – find comfort in the song.
Kadar feels a surge of pride that something that gets so much attention from everyone else is meant for him. Malik urge to punch them all just grows knowing that they’re listening in on the Al-Sayf brothers’ private moment, even if he and Kadar aren’t exactly being discreet about it.
Eventually, Kadar falls back asleep; the sound of his brother’s song and the feeling of Malik’s hand in his hair calming him completely. The rest of the boys are all asleep again, as well – all except for Malik, that is. He finishes the song even when no one is awake to hear the last of it. He stays awake even after it’s done to make sure Kadar doesn’t have any more nightmares. He wishes they could talk about them. Maybe it would help if Kadar actually told him what it was that scared him so much at night, he thinks. But by the time he calms Kadar down enough that he can talk, he’s already too exhausted to keep his eyes open and by the next morning he can no longer remember what the nightmare was about; only that it involved him and Malik and Altair.
----------------
Malik hates that he has to be here. He has only been to Solomon’s Temple once before and he had hoped that would be the only time, but recent developments have led him here and there isn’t much he can do about it. He needs information, and if there is any place that would have it, it would be here; the original resting place of the Templar treasure. He brings a handful of his men along with him. He doesn’t think there will be any fighting going on, but the ruins are big and it would take days for him to search them all by himself. They are capable and trustworthy and Malik is unbelievably glad that he brought them once they actually enter the Temple.
If his men notice that he is distracted from their purpose, they do not say anything. It has been many months since that fateful day, but that does not stop the sick feeling from settling itself in the pit of Malik’s stomach or the urge to turn tail and leave from growing with every passing second. He has to ignore those things, though. He has to push past those feelings. He is not here to dwell on past events. He is here to find information that will aid them in the future. Now if only he had an inkling of an idea of where to begin, he might be able to get out of here faster.
For a good few hours, they find nothing. They search everywhere they can, but eventually it’s decided that they will have to go in deeper. They will have to enter the room where the treasure once was. The walk to that room is the longest walk of Malik’s life and once he actually gets into the room he’s fairly certain he will not be able to keep himself form emptying the contents of his stomach right there. The room is as he remembers it, with the addition of skeletons scattered across the room, left behind by the Templars he and Kadar had managed to kill. Malik’s attempts at searching for anything useful are half-hearted at best. The usually focused and determined Malik cannot seem to get a grip on himself today. There are too many thoughts running through his head, too many emotions running through him to focus on the original goal.
There is an empty space behind one of the walls, perfect for hiding, but not for much else. None of the others seem to notice it, but it’s one of the only things Malik really can see. He remembers the few minutes he spent hiding in their in such detail that it may as well have happened five minutes ago. He doesn’t know when he started walking towards it, only that somehow Malik finds himself right back in that tiny space. There is nothing of note here. No objects or shelves or decorations. It’s dirty and looks as though it was supposed to be something of use at one point, but for whatever reason was never finished. The room is empty, save for the shredded remains of a journeyman’s clothes and the bones left behind after the body Malik had struggled to carry here decayed.
The sight of the skeleton is what finally pushes Malik over the edge and really does cause him to vomit. He isn’t sure what he expected to see when he came in here. The skeletons of the Templars should have been sign enough that his brother’s body wouldn’t have been able to holdout all this time. Nearly a year has gone by since then and with no form of preservation, it shouldn’t be any surprise that Kadar’s body has already decomposed.
Malik moves to kneel beside what’s left of his brother. He strokes his thumb over the cheekbone of the skull, remembering what it felt like when there was skin there; when it was warm and soft and alive. He feels a guilt he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in a very long time settling itself in his mind, right next to the sadness that causes his eyes to burn and his throat to tighten and his heart to hurt. He no longer feels any anger towards Altair for what happened, but the rest of the negative emotions are still strong. It doesn’t matter that he repaired his friendship with the other Assassin. Nothing will ever keep him from feeling this way when he thinks of Kadar. His little brother is gone and this is all that’s left.
Kadar can’t hear him wherever he is now, but Malik begins singing the song he loved so much anyway. He used to use it to comfort his brother after he’d wake up from a nightmare, now he uses it to comfort himself while he is living a nightmare. His voice cracks and his breathing shakes but he does not cry and he does not stop singing. One of his men comes in to tell him that they found something – a journal that looks like it could have been Robert’s at one point. He gets no further than the word “Dai” before he backs out of the room to wait with the others until Malik shows himself. At one point, many years ago a few of them would listen in when Malik sang to his younger brother, now they do whatever they can to shut the sound out.
When he is finished with the song, Malik begins to dig. He can’t bring the bones back to Jerusalem or Masyaf. He can’t give Kadar a proper grave, but he can at least do this. Burying the bones and clothes and armor is likely the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. Learning to live and do things with only one arm was the easiest thing in the world compared to this. He hates the feeling of finality this has. He hates that once he does this there will be no way for him to convince himself that Kadar is simply on a very long mission; that he will return one day soon and everything will be as it should be. Once he covers the remains of his brother, his feeble attempts at convincing himself of everything but the truth will have to end. Kadar is gone and nothing will ever change that.
----------------
There is crying coming from somewhere in the castle. Malik sighs and rubs his hand over his face before rising slowly to cross the short distance from his bed to his son. His wife is still asleep and although he’d prefer to be asleep himself after the busy day he’d had, he doesn’t truly mind having to take care of the crying child. In some ways, he actually enjoys it.
He moves to sit in the chair on the other side of the room, putting Tazim down on his lap, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to get him to calm down at least a little. When he does, Malik shifts his arm so that he can hold the baby in a more secure manner, keeping him close and letting the child curl his hands into fists in the cloth of his robes. Tazim is still crying a little, but he is no longer frantic as he was before and now that he will actually be able to hear his father’s voice over his own, Malik begins to sing. It is a song he hasn’t allowed himself to sing for many years now – the song he once sang to his younger brother for the very same purpose of calming him down at night.
It feels strange to sing it after so long, but it doesn’t feel wrong as he once thought it would. For his son, he can sing Kadar’s song. He is almost certain Kadar wouldn’t have minded. It no longer hurts to think of his brother like it once did. It still pains him a great deal, but in comparison to what it had once been, this is only a dull ache. After so many years and so many things happening in his life, it wouldn’t be right to let his sadness continue to act as such a heavy weight on his heart. At some point, Malik isn’t sure exactly when, Tazim’s crying turns to laughing. This always happens when Malik sings for him and he is glad that it makes him so happy.
Before Malik even finishes the song, his son is asleep. He smiles down at the sleeping child in his arm and stands to lay him back in his own bed. Malik lingers for a few moments, staring down at Tazim and stroking his hair. In some ways, the boy reminds him of his brother. There are physical traits that make him think of Kadar, although he knows they really have no reason to. He has the very same features, after all. They are just the ones that he and Kadar had inherited from their own father and nothing unique to his brother, but on his son, they remind him of his dead sibling all the same.
Malik leans over to press a kiss to the top of Tazim’s head and sends one more small smile the child’s way, although he can’t see it while he is sleeping. Malik doesn’t fall back asleep as soon as he gets in bed. He thinks over everything that has happened in his life – the barely remembered birth of his brother, the death of his parents, their arrival at Masyaf, Kadar’s death, everything. He has lived through many things he wished had never happened, but when he thinks about it now, he would not trade any of them for the world. He misses his brother every day, but if he were given the chance, he would not bring Kadar back from the dead. Not now. It took him years and years to finally move on and now that he has and now that he has his friendship with Altair and his wife and his son, he is finally content.
When Malik finally falls asleep again, he dreams of Kadar. He dreams of being with him and being happy and he is. He is unbelievably happy to see Kadar in his dreams. And when he wakes up he is happy to see his wife and Tazim and Sef and his family. When Altair and Maria and Darim return form their mission he will be happy to see them, too. Life is hard and there are still many problems, but after so many years he is finally content.
Although Kadar is crying and thrashing around, he is still asleep and Malik frowns when he realizes this. He glances around at the surrounding novices and is relieved when none of them seem to have been injured by a wild fist (Kadar has earned the scorn of a few of their Brothers this way already). Malik sighs when he turns back to his brother, leaning over him and attempting to grab at flailing arms and after a good thirty seconds of struggling he manages to get a grip tight enough that no one should be in any danger of acquiring some sort of injury for the moment. Now comes the hard part. Now comes the part where he actually has to wake Kadar from this nightmare of his.
Since Kadar was an infant, this has always been easier said than done. Kadar has the uncanny ability to sleep as though he is dead and although he may not seem that way while he is thrashing and flailing about, it does not mean he is any easier to rouse on nights like these. Malik shakes him hard – not hard enough to cause any sort of injury, of course, but hard enough that any normal person would wake in an instant. This is not so for his brother. His brother is still whimpering, eyes still closed, and still mumbling Malik’s name in his sleep as though Malik himself were not mere inches away from him, touching him, holding him close. Malik shifts so that Kadar is lying in his lap while he gives a few more shakes and calls his brother’s name until Kadar finally wakes up.
It takes a moment for Kadar to realize what is going on. His eyes are unfocused, confusion evident in them, and he is still frightened; still in the world of his nightmare. It isn’t until those blue eyes land on Malik that he seems to realize where he is and when he does he flings himself at his older brother. He is crying and shaking and saying something that cannot be understood when his voice is distorted from the sobs and muffled from the cloth of Malik’s shirt as a result of burying his face in Malik’s chest. At eight years old, Kadar is still so very young, but he seems even younger when he’s like this.
The low hum of barely concealed snickers and murmurings of how pathetic Kadar is from the other boys is enough to make Malik want to get up and punch them all in the face for disrespecting his brother so, but when Kadar’s grip on him tightens (sometimes Malik swears Kadar really does have the power to read his mind) the idea leaves his head. He can’t abandon his brother now over people so unworthy of his time. He presses a kiss to the top of his brother’s head and when he pulls away it’s only so that his hand can take the place of his lips and stroke his brother’s hair. Kadar’s breath is still shaky and there are still tears going down his face, but he is slightly more at ease now than he was when he first woke up.
Malik smiles down at him and Kadar has never felt so safe. With his brother’s arms around him and that reassuring smile, it feels as though nothing can touch him. He blocks out the other boys. He knows what they say on nights like this. Malik may try to keep him from hearing it, but he cannot hide everything from Kadar. When the older Assassins remark on how talented Malik is for someone so young (not like Altair, though; no one is like Altair), they always make sure to mention how unbelievable it is that his younger brother is so average; so weak. Kadar doesn’t mind much, though. The elders believe he should be ashamed of how he pales in comparison to his brother, but at eight years old, Kadar is content to just be proud of Malik and his accomplishments. At eight years old, Kadar is content to say that Malik Al-Sayf is his older brother and no one else’s. In a few years he will concern himself with catching up and competing to get to the level his brother is at, but at eight years old, Kadar doesn’t feel the need.
A soft hum brings him out of his thoughts. This is not the same kind of hum that is caused by low murmurs or snickers. This is the musical type of humming. This is the type of hum that Kadar loves to hear. Malik rests his chin on Kadar’s head, still stroking his hair and doing what he can to comfort his little brother. Eventually the hum turns into actual words and Malik is singing the song that their mother used to sing to him when he needed comforting. Kadar no longer remembers the sound of her voice or the look of her face. He was much too young when their parents were killed to remember them. All he remembers is that his mother did sing this and that he enjoyed it when she did. That’s okay, though. Malik’s singing is a greater comfort than he remembers their mother’s ever being. Malik’s singing gets the attention of everyone in the room and quiets the insults to the younger Al-Sayf boy. Somehow – even the boys who thought themselves above such things – find comfort in the song.
Kadar feels a surge of pride that something that gets so much attention from everyone else is meant for him. Malik urge to punch them all just grows knowing that they’re listening in on the Al-Sayf brothers’ private moment, even if he and Kadar aren’t exactly being discreet about it.
Eventually, Kadar falls back asleep; the sound of his brother’s song and the feeling of Malik’s hand in his hair calming him completely. The rest of the boys are all asleep again, as well – all except for Malik, that is. He finishes the song even when no one is awake to hear the last of it. He stays awake even after it’s done to make sure Kadar doesn’t have any more nightmares. He wishes they could talk about them. Maybe it would help if Kadar actually told him what it was that scared him so much at night, he thinks. But by the time he calms Kadar down enough that he can talk, he’s already too exhausted to keep his eyes open and by the next morning he can no longer remember what the nightmare was about; only that it involved him and Malik and Altair.
----------------
Malik hates that he has to be here. He has only been to Solomon’s Temple once before and he had hoped that would be the only time, but recent developments have led him here and there isn’t much he can do about it. He needs information, and if there is any place that would have it, it would be here; the original resting place of the Templar treasure. He brings a handful of his men along with him. He doesn’t think there will be any fighting going on, but the ruins are big and it would take days for him to search them all by himself. They are capable and trustworthy and Malik is unbelievably glad that he brought them once they actually enter the Temple.
If his men notice that he is distracted from their purpose, they do not say anything. It has been many months since that fateful day, but that does not stop the sick feeling from settling itself in the pit of Malik’s stomach or the urge to turn tail and leave from growing with every passing second. He has to ignore those things, though. He has to push past those feelings. He is not here to dwell on past events. He is here to find information that will aid them in the future. Now if only he had an inkling of an idea of where to begin, he might be able to get out of here faster.
For a good few hours, they find nothing. They search everywhere they can, but eventually it’s decided that they will have to go in deeper. They will have to enter the room where the treasure once was. The walk to that room is the longest walk of Malik’s life and once he actually gets into the room he’s fairly certain he will not be able to keep himself form emptying the contents of his stomach right there. The room is as he remembers it, with the addition of skeletons scattered across the room, left behind by the Templars he and Kadar had managed to kill. Malik’s attempts at searching for anything useful are half-hearted at best. The usually focused and determined Malik cannot seem to get a grip on himself today. There are too many thoughts running through his head, too many emotions running through him to focus on the original goal.
There is an empty space behind one of the walls, perfect for hiding, but not for much else. None of the others seem to notice it, but it’s one of the only things Malik really can see. He remembers the few minutes he spent hiding in their in such detail that it may as well have happened five minutes ago. He doesn’t know when he started walking towards it, only that somehow Malik finds himself right back in that tiny space. There is nothing of note here. No objects or shelves or decorations. It’s dirty and looks as though it was supposed to be something of use at one point, but for whatever reason was never finished. The room is empty, save for the shredded remains of a journeyman’s clothes and the bones left behind after the body Malik had struggled to carry here decayed.
The sight of the skeleton is what finally pushes Malik over the edge and really does cause him to vomit. He isn’t sure what he expected to see when he came in here. The skeletons of the Templars should have been sign enough that his brother’s body wouldn’t have been able to holdout all this time. Nearly a year has gone by since then and with no form of preservation, it shouldn’t be any surprise that Kadar’s body has already decomposed.
Malik moves to kneel beside what’s left of his brother. He strokes his thumb over the cheekbone of the skull, remembering what it felt like when there was skin there; when it was warm and soft and alive. He feels a guilt he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in a very long time settling itself in his mind, right next to the sadness that causes his eyes to burn and his throat to tighten and his heart to hurt. He no longer feels any anger towards Altair for what happened, but the rest of the negative emotions are still strong. It doesn’t matter that he repaired his friendship with the other Assassin. Nothing will ever keep him from feeling this way when he thinks of Kadar. His little brother is gone and this is all that’s left.
Kadar can’t hear him wherever he is now, but Malik begins singing the song he loved so much anyway. He used to use it to comfort his brother after he’d wake up from a nightmare, now he uses it to comfort himself while he is living a nightmare. His voice cracks and his breathing shakes but he does not cry and he does not stop singing. One of his men comes in to tell him that they found something – a journal that looks like it could have been Robert’s at one point. He gets no further than the word “Dai” before he backs out of the room to wait with the others until Malik shows himself. At one point, many years ago a few of them would listen in when Malik sang to his younger brother, now they do whatever they can to shut the sound out.
When he is finished with the song, Malik begins to dig. He can’t bring the bones back to Jerusalem or Masyaf. He can’t give Kadar a proper grave, but he can at least do this. Burying the bones and clothes and armor is likely the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. Learning to live and do things with only one arm was the easiest thing in the world compared to this. He hates the feeling of finality this has. He hates that once he does this there will be no way for him to convince himself that Kadar is simply on a very long mission; that he will return one day soon and everything will be as it should be. Once he covers the remains of his brother, his feeble attempts at convincing himself of everything but the truth will have to end. Kadar is gone and nothing will ever change that.
----------------
There is crying coming from somewhere in the castle. Malik sighs and rubs his hand over his face before rising slowly to cross the short distance from his bed to his son. His wife is still asleep and although he’d prefer to be asleep himself after the busy day he’d had, he doesn’t truly mind having to take care of the crying child. In some ways, he actually enjoys it.
He moves to sit in the chair on the other side of the room, putting Tazim down on his lap, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to get him to calm down at least a little. When he does, Malik shifts his arm so that he can hold the baby in a more secure manner, keeping him close and letting the child curl his hands into fists in the cloth of his robes. Tazim is still crying a little, but he is no longer frantic as he was before and now that he will actually be able to hear his father’s voice over his own, Malik begins to sing. It is a song he hasn’t allowed himself to sing for many years now – the song he once sang to his younger brother for the very same purpose of calming him down at night.
It feels strange to sing it after so long, but it doesn’t feel wrong as he once thought it would. For his son, he can sing Kadar’s song. He is almost certain Kadar wouldn’t have minded. It no longer hurts to think of his brother like it once did. It still pains him a great deal, but in comparison to what it had once been, this is only a dull ache. After so many years and so many things happening in his life, it wouldn’t be right to let his sadness continue to act as such a heavy weight on his heart. At some point, Malik isn’t sure exactly when, Tazim’s crying turns to laughing. This always happens when Malik sings for him and he is glad that it makes him so happy.
Before Malik even finishes the song, his son is asleep. He smiles down at the sleeping child in his arm and stands to lay him back in his own bed. Malik lingers for a few moments, staring down at Tazim and stroking his hair. In some ways, the boy reminds him of his brother. There are physical traits that make him think of Kadar, although he knows they really have no reason to. He has the very same features, after all. They are just the ones that he and Kadar had inherited from their own father and nothing unique to his brother, but on his son, they remind him of his dead sibling all the same.
Malik leans over to press a kiss to the top of Tazim’s head and sends one more small smile the child’s way, although he can’t see it while he is sleeping. Malik doesn’t fall back asleep as soon as he gets in bed. He thinks over everything that has happened in his life – the barely remembered birth of his brother, the death of his parents, their arrival at Masyaf, Kadar’s death, everything. He has lived through many things he wished had never happened, but when he thinks about it now, he would not trade any of them for the world. He misses his brother every day, but if he were given the chance, he would not bring Kadar back from the dead. Not now. It took him years and years to finally move on and now that he has and now that he has his friendship with Altair and his wife and his son, he is finally content.
When Malik finally falls asleep again, he dreams of Kadar. He dreams of being with him and being happy and he is. He is unbelievably happy to see Kadar in his dreams. And when he wakes up he is happy to see his wife and Tazim and Sef and his family. When Altair and Maria and Darim return form their mission he will be happy to see them, too. Life is hard and there are still many problems, but after so many years he is finally content.